Creative Community

Maturity Focused Discipleship

2011-02-24T14:38:00.000-05:00

These thoughts aren't fully formed, but this idea is based on a pretty simple concept. Not everyone can be discipled using the same methods. This is not rocket science. Joe Myers book The Search to Belong really nails this concept and does a great job of identifying four spheres in which people develop relationships. A few years ago, I broke this idea down in a sermon entitled, 7 Things Everyone Should Know About Community.

This model, however, is based on the idea that the process of discipleship is a process which is intertwined with a person's developing spiritual maturity. Observe an infant. Their primary concern is themself. Everything they do/think/say revolves around what they want or are trying to get. Even young children spend far more time thinking about themselves than about others. Even though no one enjoys self-centered children, the reality is that almost all children are self-focused.

Around adolescence that begins to change, though. With the noticing of the opposite gender, children (now pre-teens) begin to think much less about what they can do or have themselves, and become far more relational beings. Particularly, they are interested in what they can have or do together (often with the cute boy or girl in class). This is a world transforming shifts that is somewhat messy and quite awkward at first; but ultimately manifests itself in a marriage relationship. The individuality of childhood is gone, replaced by a team mentality (ahh, if only it always worked that nicely...).

Amazingly, when that oneness of two is expressed to its ultimate, the result is often multiplication. Childbirth recalls the messiness and awkwardness of adolescence as the team struggles to discover how to balance the desire to continue focusing on each other, while still appropriately caring for the needs of this new addition. Healthy parents learn that their focus has to drastically change. Their expressions of care and love are now primarily outward rather than toward each other.

Thus we move from caring only for ourselves, to uniting ourselves with another and caring for each other, to using our unity to create and care for others. Here are the discipleship take-a-ways I'm thinking about:

1) The first stage of spiritual maturity is one in which the individual is self-focused, regularly wondering, "What does the church provide to meet my needs?"
2) Spiritual maturity is not necessarily reflective of age or time as a believer. Many older and long-time Christians continue to focus most of their attention on their own spiritual development.
3) Churches need to provide discipling opportunity for "child" Christians. Ministries that focus on specific demographics or life-stages provide these opportunities.
4) Ministries that are targeted at "people with 'x' need" are designed for immature Christians. Therefore, something in those ministries needs to be designed to move people from a "me" mentality to an "us" mentality.
5) Small groups that don't focus on any one demographic are the ideal discipleship opportunity for growing Christians... But they are not the final destination.
6) Groups that never grow/multiply and don't act missionally are like the 30 year old who still lives with his mom.
7) As parents, our service is directed at our offspring. What if we took a view of "service" that we were mainly called to serve our spiritual offspring? This has revolutionary potential.

Down the road, I'll try to develop this further; along with some of the practical implications for discipleship and small groups in the local chuch.

10 Steps to Launch a Successful Small Group

2011-02-23T13:54:00.000-05:00

While there are no magic formulas which will enable you to create a true community of people who are sharing life, these ten steps can get you moving in the right direction:

1. Form a committed launch team. You need 2-3 partners in this venture, and all of you need to be deeply committed to one another and to making the community go. You'll support each other through the tough stages and celebrate together when you taste success.
2. Create a prospect list. I know, this isn't marketing and a "prospect list" sounds cold and uncaring. But you need to work with your launch team to make a list of people you can envision being a part of your community. Put the names on paper and start praying specifically for each person.
3. Invite every prospect. This is just the first invitation, and it should simply be informative. Tell the people what you are planning to do, and when you are planning to do it. Don't ask for a commitment, but ask them to begin thinking about it.
4. Personally follow-up every invitation. If your first invitation was by email, facebook, or phone you need to have a face-to-face follow-up (a phone call is okay, but is not preferred). Ask if your friend has any questions about the group, and if they are thinking they want to check it out. Don't ask for a firm commitment, let them know you'll get them more info.
5. Send out clear information about the group. This information should include where you'll meet, when you'll meet, how long you'll meet, what you'll do at the meeting, whether or not there is food, and whether or not there is childcare. Include contact numbers and emails for those who want more information. Only send this information to people who have already been invited. This shouldn't be someone's first exposure to the group.
6. Make the final invitation. Go back to each person and ask them if they are going to try the group out. Encourage them that they don't need to make a life-time commitment, they can just show up the first week and see what they think.
7. Create a "launch day" checklist. Include everything you need to do to be ready for the first meeting. Think about things like food, chairs, Bibles, handouts, pens/pencils, babysitters, videos, music. It's helpful to walk through the entire time in your mind (from the time the first guest arrives to the departure of the last guest) to get a feel for all the things you'll need.
8. Send out a reminder. Use postcards, facebook, email, text, or phone to remind everyone who has committed to show up that you are launching. The reminders should be no more than two days before your first gathering.
9. LAUNCH. Together with your launch team, make sure everything on the list is taken care of, and enjoy your first gathering. Be relaxed, be informal, be welcoming. Invite everyone to attend the next gathering.
10. Follow-up. Send out a thank you to everyone who attended. In your thank you, reference something they said or did that contributed to the group, and let them know you'd love to have them at the next gathering (remind them when it is). Make a personal contact with everyone who didn't show. Let them know that you would still love to have them at the next gathering.

At the core of every successful community is CONVERSATION. As you can see from these 10 steps, your communication is crucial to creating a healthy space for conversation to happen. There really isn't room for shortcuts, but if you have to take one, don't cut out the communication and the contacts!

Discussion Killers

2011-02-22T08:26:00.000-05:00

The Big Ideas for Small Groups blog has identified these different types of people who can derail your discussion. At the end are several questions. Take the time to share how you would handle these in the comments. This can be beneficial for everyone.

Monopolizing Mike: Mike talks from the moment he enters the room until the moment he leaves. He shares the same stories over and over whether they are relevant to the subject of group time or not. When Mike begins to talk, the group settles in for the long haul and appears bored and restless, and often the energy is drained from the discussion time.

Shy Sherry: Sherry seldom shares in small group time. She has trouble looking people in the eye when she does talk. She attends group regularly, but the group members know very little about her, because she has not opened up in group time. It is easy to forget that she is even there.

Expert Ed: Ed is an expert on every topic, especially the Bible. When the group discusses any topic, Ed always chimes in with the “right” answer. Once Ed shares his thoughts or opinions, the rest of the group is reluctant to share because Ed is clearly always right. Ed begins his sentences with statements like … “Clearly, the Bible is saying ______.”

Annie the Advice Giver: Annie knows what everyone should do, and is looking for opportunities to share her advice. Often when a group member shares a struggle, Annie will immediately say, “you SHOULD ______.” Although Annie desires to be helpful her advice is usually unsolicited and simplistic.

Put Down Patty: Patty criticizes people in group and out of group, especially her husband. As soon as he says something in group, Patty will say, “that is ridiculous!” He feels embarrassed and then it is a long time before he opens up and shares again.

Crisis Chris: Chris is always in crises. He comes to group looking sad and lonely and as soon as someone reaches out to him he shares his most current crises. He gets upset when the people of the group don’t help enough or in the right way. No matter what attempts they make, the group cannot seem to do right by Chris.

What kinds of things would you do while facilitating this group? What preventative measures could you put into place that would help the facilitation of a group with a difficult personality?

7 Elements of a Successful Small Group

2010-12-17T14:17:00.001-05:00

This is from Craig Groeschel, a pastor in Oklahoma.

Over the years, Amy and I have participated in several different small groups. Some were much more successful than others.

Here are the elements we’ve found essential for a great group:

A great group needs a leader. When everyone is always voting on what we do next, we never do much. A good leader makes for a good group.
A great group is built around God’s word. Too often, small groups become all about fellowship. While fellowship is always essential, doing life around God’s word is what truly makes the difference.
A great group is a safe group. If people can’t discuss openly without fear of judgment, rejection, or gossip, the group is doomed to fail.
A great group looks outward. Serving together is life changing.
A great group births new groups. If a group stays together for too long, they usually grow stale. Healthy groups produce new groups.
A great group takes breaks. We often take the summer off from consistent meetings. We’re all busy. The break makes us long to be together more.
A great group hurts together. I just got off the phone after talking to a young woman with four children who just lost her 39-year-old husband. Even though she is devastated, she told me confidently that her Life Group would be there for her. God is glorified through such a group.